Penzeys One Magazine

Restorative Justice

Matt Gray

Matt and Dana Gray met in the California State Capitol building. They were both staffers for state lawmakers, Matt for John Vasconcellos of Santa Clara and Dana for Christine Kehoe of San Diego. "I actually met her on an elevator," said Matt. "We were both attending a meeting and we shared an elevator up. We spoke briefly and I saved a seat for her because I was hoping she would sit next to me. She didn't even see where I went in the room." "I was trying to pay a lot of attention and get the notes for my boss," said Dana, "and unbeknownst to me he held a chair for me. I completely didn't look over there because I was trying to focus."

Matt was not going to give up. "Then I finagled it so I had an empty elevator on the way down as she was walking out. So we shared an elevator on the way down and got to talking. I asked her out to lunch and we were inseparable after that." Actually, it was not that easy. Though he invited her to lunch and she said yes, she didn't give him her number. "I thought if this guy is serious about it, he can do his homework. He knew my name and the office I worked for. And sure enough that's just what he did. We went on lunch dates for about two weeks until we went on an evening date on the weekend and it has been sparks ever since."

They married about a year and a half later and even "catered" their own wedding with the help of friends and family. About a year later their daughter Sarah was born. Having Sarah "...put the important things in life into perspective for me," says Matt. "Nothing else really mattered except making sure that I invested myself fully in my child." Holding her for the first time was emotional. "I've gone through so many things in my past that I thought I would never be alive to see this day and that it could happen for me."

At 13, Matt was the victim of a domestic violence situation. His parents were divorced and his father was on his third marriage. It was Father's Day weekend 1985 when his father, in a drunken rage, shot his third wife to death and Matt was caught in the crossfire. "So I watched her die in front of me and I was running away. I don't think my father even saw me because he had to shoot through the front screen and a back screen of the building. He shot all around and I happened to be one of the people hit."

The bullet barely missed his heart. He lost 40% of his left lung and needed surgery to reconstruct his ribcage. The physical wounds healed but the emotional scars remained. "Imagine how you would feel if the last person you are supposed to be able to rely upon for everything and protect you, your parent, betrays you. So I was very angry, very defensive, more inclined to go get someone before they got me, in attitude." Just 17 years old, Matt decided to confront his father in Folsom Prison. "There was a victim reconciliation between us. My father had been blaming everyone else for the way that he was and the choices that he made. I knew that was a load of crap. When he finally started taking responsibility and recognizing that no matter what happened to him, it was his choice to pull the trigger. It was his choice to drink. He was responsible for what he did. Once he started to do that, I let him back in my life." Matt feels he was one of the lucky ones. "It helped me to start releasing the anger and work through it. Sadly a lot of victims I have come across have never reached that point and it eats them up inside."

Matt's father is still in Folsom Prison. An advanced electrical engineer, he has made more than 60 discoveries in the field of physics, mathematically identifying theories and proving them out. "He is very productive," says Matt.

It was the reconciliation with his father that eventually led Matt into politics. One of his father's counselors found out Matt was interested in politics and gave him John Vasconcellos's name and number. Still working on his college degree in communications, Matt paid a visit to the lawmaker's office. "I basically just walked into his office, cold call one day and said I'm interested in finding out what's going on here. So I started an internship. They began giving me more assignments and pretty soon I was hired on." When Senator Vasconcellos retired in 2004, Matt founded a lobbying firm, Capitol Alliance. "I represent the needs and interests of my clients and I arrange for them to be heard where they wouldn't otherwise be heard by the decision makers. My clients are largely the underserved of California." His efforts focus on renewable energy, the environment, and of course, corrections and public safety. "Any corrections policy we have, I think we need to evaluate it for its effectiveness at improving public safety."

With 170,000 persons incarcerated in California, things must change. "In California, right now, 79% fail the conditions of parole. That's huge. Look at the jurisdictions where they actually have a low recidivism rate, Ohio, Maryland, Minnesota, Canada, and Florida even. All these places that do it right, much better than California, they implement restorative justice."

"People need to recognize that prison is the punishment and not for punishment. That changes the dynamic of how you approach treating the prisoner and what expectations you have of them by the time they leave prison. It is not for mistreatment, it's for isolation."

Dana has her own perspective on this situation. Her biological father has been in and out of prison her whole life. "Matt and I always believed that everybody has a choice in life and you cannot play the victim. If something happens to you, well, you can either pick yourself up and learn from those experiences and move forward or you can go down with the ship. Taking the high road is going to get you where you want to go in life. Part of doing that, we think anyway, is creating more of a family atmosphere which Matt and I didn't always have." For Sarah and their new baby due in July, that atmosphere starts in the kitchen. "One of those things is sitting down at the table, having dinner together, and connecting. We've gotten countless amusing stories from Sarah at the dinner table. It's just a time where we can sit and value and appreciate each other without the clutter of the world coming in at us whether it be TV, radio, or other people at a restaurant. "

One step back from the kitchen is their 600 square foot vegetable garden. When they first met, Dana says Matt's tomato plants looked 20 feet high. "I thought he was feeding them nuclear waste." Not so says Matt. His garden is 100% organic. "I grow enough that the pests can have their share. We have 30 different varieties of tomatoes including ones from Siberia. We have black ones, yellow ones, and orange ones. A lot of artichokes, eggplants, different beans, different onions and squashes. I always enjoyed watching something develop from the workings of my hands. A tomato from your own garden is better than anything you can get in the store." To Dana, gardening is a metaphor for life. "It's the same idea. Going with what you have, trying to do the best with what you've got, putting it together and making something great out of it."

Matt sums things up. "All of us are more similar than we are different with respect to basic hopes, fears, aspirations, concerns and focus. Every child arrives in this world ready to learn -- to be a fully capable, self assured, responsible human being. If they are not, it's probably because they have been taught not to learn, taught not to aspire. I've seen it with our inner-city children. They've grown up with gangs all around them and they don't grow beyond that. Our jails and prisons are filled with people like that. It helps frame your approach and how you deal with people if you recognize that they aren't so different from you and on some level you can always reach them." Sometimes a fresh tomato from your garden is just the kind of outreach you need.

vol1 issue5, 2006

Matt Gray